


One day, my dear sunshine

by The_World_is_Red_and_Blue



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Canon Compliant, Early Mornings, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Lazy Mornings, Light Angst, M/M, Mornings, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, Self-Reflection, because I say so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_World_is_Red_and_Blue/pseuds/The_World_is_Red_and_Blue
Summary: Just being able to love him isn’t reward enough?When does love become so exhausting?On days like this, he feel older than he should.Merlin reflects his ways and Arthur wants to take away the pain. And maybe soft clear mornings gives them more hope than they thought.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	One day, my dear sunshine

Merlin wasn’t in his best mood that morning.

The day before he had stayed up late finishing his duties postponed for a week now. Arthur would call him lazy, obviously not knowing he had managed to stop yet another vengeful –and rightly so- sorcerer to try to take the crown. Sometimes having ally ship so high in his scale of values means justice took a step back. And Merlin didn’t like it, didn’t like his necessary actions at all.

Submerged in this kind of thoughts he strode towards the prince’s rooms, carrying the breakfast tray in one hand and thinking about a particular funny way of waking up the dollop head.

Inevitably a small smile appeared on his, until now, defeated face, when he thought about him. He wish he could be totally honest with his _friend_ , especially with all the trust he puts in the destiny he would create, but it just wasn’t possible now. And even though he will never know, Merlin will love him every day of his life, against all odds and unimportant details. Just for the sake of loving itself.

_Just being able to love him isn’t reward enough?_

He opened the door carefully, left the tray of breakfast on the table and started walking to the bed. He caught a glimpse of golden hair between the sheets and decided at last moment to let him sleep a little more. With a fond smile he brushed some straws of hair out of his face and headed for the window ~~before he could do something more he will regret~~. This day, even with the constant nagging guilt and regret in the back of his head, Merlin felt strong enough to not fight his destiny anymore, just accept the way things were unfolding now, at their current ineffable pace.

From the courtyard ahead, the castle seemed to be waking, the sun coming up in front of him, slowly, unhurried. He let himself then, remember the last fights, still fresh like bright red paint in a white page, the ones he had to protect his idiot ~~sunshine~~ once more. He will never stop worrying about him but now, seeing the sun rising slowly in the blue sky, he felt the warm of hope reaching his cold chest.

_When does love become so exhausting?_

His heart was hurt so badly he knew a part of him had died and will never return. Probably the naïve and carefree part of his first day in the city, he believed. He touched his growing hair, not having time to cut it yet, and knew that even through it all, his golden smile directed only at him, wouldn’t let him give up his destiny just yet. Even if his own sometimes was small and full of secrets with jagged ends.

On days like this, he feel older than he should.

Merlin got too wrapped up in these reflections, and didn’t noticed that Arthur was awake some minutes now. He had sit up silently, wondering why Merlin wasn’t in sight, when he saw him, his silent profile darkened by some pacing clouds in the horizon. He was about to shout at him when he caught a glimpse of his face, and something inside him hurt, a cold and twisted feeling in the pit of his stomach. A face, _Merlin’s face,_ that reflected something he couldn’t put a single name to. Deep sorrow and pain where there, the same he had seen in the faces of his soldiers that had to take a difficult call, and lost something from themselves afterwards.

But there, in the middle of them, where so much strength and determination, so much hope in those blue eyes he had come to trust… and _love._

Confused, he wondered why his manservant of all people wore that expression, and reminded himself that Merlin was much more than it seemed. He was so glad he had come to his life, all those years ago, with too big ears and a bigger mouth. That mouth which now gave the safest encouragement he needed before battles and the same ridiculous ears that stand his baffles when no one else wanted to –no one Arthur could trust anyway-. And that smile, even if he said he looked like an idiot, if Merlin smiled like that for him forever, he could achieve anything. For him, to make him happy.

With a sad smile, he wondered.

_When my love won’t be enough?_

When his best ~~only~~ friend’s life has become more important than his own –probably since that first moment he insulted his way through his heart, he realise with a little chuckle- and why he hadn’t noticed the deep sadness lingering in the end of his daily smile; carrying a heavy burden. One, Arthur would give anything to ease.

Suddenly, Merlin reminded himself that he should wake Arthur now, and turned around only to find him staring at him, his eyes fixed on his own. On other days he would make an excuse and Arthur would return an endearing insult and they would be on their way, but today he just smiled at him fondly, not surprised at all.

_How many days of my life had you make it count?_

“Arthur” Merlin murmured “You’re awake”

“Yes I am, _Mer_ lin” he reply with a little eye roll without any real bite.

In the slightly illuminated room by the waking sun, with the person he cared the most in front of him, Arthur was really awake, _and alive_. He was, as always, mesmerised by those piercing blue eyes, staring at him with so much love that make his heart beat faster every time.

“What are you doing there? Is something wrong?” questioned worriedly Arthur, a vulnerability no one else has seen showing in his face.

“Thinking, nothing more.” Merlin said, his shoulders sagging relaxedly. “Sorry for not waking you at time today” His smile got bigger, and he just stared softly at him, not wanting to be anywhere else in the world.

“Don’t be so mysterious” reply Arthur returning a little smile “You can tell me anything you know? I might help” Arthur then looked to the side, not standing the pain of knowing Merlin wouldn’t tell him anyway, and would stand the weight of his secrets all alone.

_What could I do to take your pain away?_

_Could love make you trust me? Or because of it you won’t tell?_

“Don’t worry Arthur, please. It’s fine. **I can take it**. _I promise one day I’ll let you know_ ” Merlin answer moving towards the now cooling breakfast reluctantly. “Now you should eat” He declared brightly.

Arthur knew very well Merlin was changing the subject and he really wanted to know, to _help_ , but Merlin, knowing him best than himself, wouldn’t put him in the dilemma of what to choose. Just for that, he will wait, wait for him to be ready.

_Saying it out loud would change your carefree smiles, my dear?_

Merlin knew, by the way Arthur regarded him that he cared for him a great deal too. Probably more than he let himself admit sometimes.

Still, something in Arthur hurt when seeing Merlin carry so much on his fragile looking shoulders by himself, but he trusted him with it, knowing no man braver. He decided again, to protect that smile while it lasted every day of his life, and give Merlin time and safety to finally trust him totally, to know that he would protect him from his demons with everything he had.

_Does love make you vulnerable? Or does it makes you stronger?_

For now, he just sighed tiredly and let it be, walking towards the table –towards Him like a light in the dark mist- “Okay, let’s eat now”

And while Arthur rolled his eyes and didn’t give up until Merlin ate too, on that sunny morning, both keep stealing glances from each other, wanting to keep the memory of the other safe in his mind, just so they can be safe somewhere. Neither of them knew exactly what the other hold close to his heart, and it didn’t even matter that they couldn’t be together right now. This morning will be held close to their heart forever, because they knew that no matter the problems ahead of them, together as they were now, they could create the Albion they were destined to.

And they would keep loving each other

_Subtly_ , like a shared smile in the night, like a careful touch in the arm

_Silently_ , like an insult without meaning, like exasperation masking fondness

_Knowingly_ , like a look across the bonfire, like a hug despite the pain.

_Oh, but darling, aren’t we together in our dreams?_

**Author's Note:**

> Does love should feel his way?


End file.
